Mixed Signals

Why does NYPD Traffic Control insist on parking their vans and patrol cars in the right-turn-only lane, thus pushing all of that traffic into the lane on the left, and causing a traffic jam as those cars attempt to run right (don't get me started on pedestrians, that's another post entirely) from our lane thereby blocking the intersection for those of us going straight?

Monkey Business

• 2 bananas
• 1 speakerphone
• 1 makeup application
  
• 1 camera with dead batteries
  

Just another day in the passenger seat.

Happy Birthday!

Today just happens to be my Most-est-Favorite-est Police Officer's Birthday! So, in celebration, today we have a special message from Officer B-day:

The cell phone law states hands free.. not speaker phone. Nor does it mean that when moving less than 5 MPH you can talk normally. Please refer to the NYS vehicle and traffic law section on this page:

How not to drive like an idiot

Happy Birthday, Kiddo!

The Four Horsemen

And now, for today's winners of the
"I'm an AssHat"
competition:

Here's the guy who used the gas station as an additional lane...









This lovely gentleman was reading, but finally devoted himself to the matter at hand.








The fellow who was going so slowly that he allowed 3 cars to get in front of him in a 1 block span.

But the grand prize goes to The North Star Academy Van (don't quote me on that, I had only 1 cup of coffee so I can't quite recall the name), which pulled onto the West Side Highway at 125th street:


...notice the commercial plates...

Must See TV

This morning's commute was fairly low-key. Lots of traffic (ah, gotta love the U.N.), but less rampant stupidity than usual. In typical Volvo fashion, we had one driver create her own lane:

And of course, when better to catch up on NBC's new night-time TV line up than while driving to work?

...however, today's zipper status was code green, and the white line was breached only by a motorcyclist (who needs to learn to pick up his feet!).

~Stay tuned for last weekend's supplementary post~

The Wheels on the Bus

Today we're going to talk about a relatively unfamiliar subject. Public Transportation. The BUS. Not the subway, which is cool in it's own big-city way, but the Commuter Bus.

Now, don't get me wrong, the bus is o.k. It's just not my preferred method of commuting. For one thing, that whole schedule thing sucks. There are only a few buses that head into the city from my bus stop (which, to be fair, is located across the street from my house). Two, really, that are viable - a 6:50 am and a 7:25 am. As far as the return trip goes, the last express bus out of the city for me is around 8:30 pm.

But the kicker - the final nail in the commuter bus coffin - is sharing a seat. There's nothing worse than spending an hour on a bus with someone crammed up next to you. Sometimes they're smelly, sometimes they spill into your side of the seat, sometimes they just talk on the phone too loudly or, god forbid - snore. You never know what you're going to get saddled with when you take that seat.

So you get on the bus, find an empty seat and pile your bags on the seat closest to the window. You sit in the outer seat, and quickly pull out your book. Pump up the volume on your iPod, and avoid eye contact with everyone who is still filing on. Praying that you've made yourself as unappealing as possible. Each person who passes you by evokes a silent sigh of relief. Maybe, just maybe, you'll make it this time. The bus has plenty of room, lots of open seats....it just might happen. And then, wham! Someone asks, politely, to sit down. Damn. Meanwhile, there are plenty of other people who emerge unscathed, comfortable in their own double-seat.

Dumb luck, or smart planning?

Is there a "right" place to sit on the bus in order to dissuade seatmates? Sitting in the very back is iffy - many people pass up available seats closer to the front in the hopes of finding an empty one further back. When that doesn't pan out, they see you there with your empty window seat - and that's the end of that.

What about the very front of the bus? Also iffy, as there are people who don't care about getting their own seat and will just grab the first available one they come upon.

Which brings us to the mid-section. I believe that there must be a sweet spot. Neither too far back, nor too close to the front. That invisible space that people just glide right by, or never reach. Heaven on multiple-axles.

I'll be searching for it this afternoon. Wish me luck.

Cat-er-hauling

Cats do not make pleasant carpool companions.

Spreadsheets and Coffee

I apologize in advance - I can guarantee that I will mention the following pet peeve multiple times in the future. Just who in the world spread the gospel that reading while driving is OK??

Smoke Inhalation

The above pictured bumper stickers were on the back of a Toyota Prius driven by a woman wearing a respirator. Yes, that's right, a respirator. We're talking a half-face blue poly face piece with pink/purple filtration units. Something like this:

Never a dull moment....

(I should also point out that the above mentioned Prius was later guilty of failing the zipper-merge test...the face mask must have obscured her view of the enormous white line in the pavement).

Today we're also giving a shout out to the red Volvo 850 (with the scraped off parking violation sticker) that was overheating as it went across the bridge. We let you cut in front of us, thinking that you were going to pull into the disabled vehicle lane. Instead, you remained oblivious to your impending break-down and ambled along your way.

Do us all a favor and pull over the next time smoke billows out from beneath the hood of your car.

"Zippity Do Da"

The following is a Public Service Announcement to my fellow PIP to GWB commuters:

It's called MERGING.

That huge white line painted between the 3rd and 4th lane is there for a reason. The 4 lanes to the left merge into one lane; the three to the right follow suit. The resulting two lanes proceed like happy little worker ants around the PIP helix, pausing only to merge in the same fashion at the base of the bridge before continuing on their daily commute.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

TGIF

After countless hours spent traversing the roads to NYC, I've decided it's time to let you all in on my daily commute. So tune in daily for the trials and tribulations of being surrounded by the worst drivers in the Tri-State area.

Be careful, or you might just recognize yourself, as seen through my windshield.